Thursday, 13 June 2013

Review Meeting

Why is it that the second I'm in the presence of a Social Worker I morph from a relatively calm and competent person into a bumbling, blathering idiot? I talk nineteen to the dozen and become unbearingly hyper. I'll tell you everything you need to know and some stuff you don't need to know. It's almost like I'm worried that if I stop talking one of the SWs will suddenly look at me, as if seeing me for the first time, point their finger at me and yell .......

"FRAUD!"

They'll instinctively know that I yelled at Katie last night (OMG she was being a total pain and my patience ran out) and know that I am unfit to parent children....

That's how it felt today when three, very lovely, SWs came to do our review. It all went well (unless you count me making Pip, the child who rarely cries, cry twice just from picking him up - I think I caught him with my watch but was able to blame it on the fact that it was nearly 2pm and he needed his bottle!) Pip is doing well. He's settling in well. He's content and happy (as far as we can tell). He's not belly laughing yet but I think that will come. I can certainly elicit some serious, shoulder raising, giggles from him when I tickle his neck. He's not put on any weight, in fact he's trimming up nicely. I felt some muscles forming in his legs and his tummy is flattening down a bit. Everyone is happy with the boy. 

The bigger question is how Katie is reacting. She's fine with Pip. Her nose is definitely a bit put out (as are the cats'). She's not being mean to him. She swings between giving him lots of attention and not wanting a bar of him. Most of the challenges we are experiencing are in Katie's behaviour with us. That's pretty much her default position though if anything changes. She's pretty bolshy and rude at the moment (hence me yelling at her when she refused to let me rinse her hair in the shower). She's lashed out at us a few times, and even smacked me round the face in temper the other night. She's pushing, but we expected this.  I've told the SWs some of this but, to be honest, this is how Katie was before Pip and we're managing it so I don't feel it's newsworthy. Or am I just worried that they'll take Pip away? Not I don't think that but I do know that this all brings up those unresolved childhood/parental issues of not being good enough so instead I babble.

The SWs seemed very happy with how it's all going, as they should. It is going well. The Reviewing Officer made an interesting comment when telling me he'd never met a second time adopter before. I couldn't help myself, I commented that that was hardly surprising because the process is is awful (see what I mean about talking too much?)

I'm going to stop now before I start babbling again.....

11 comments:

  1. What pressure to feel you have to show everything being perfect when you have two young children in the house. So frustrating how much you have to prove yourself. I'd love to hear from the SWs point of view - maybe they aren't bothered about a lot of the things that were stressing you out.

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    1. It would be very interesting to hear what a SW would say about it. Most of the adopters I know spring clean their house for each visit. I'm not quite as bonkers as I was first time around (who has the time once you have children?) but I do like to look presentable. I do feel very scrutinised though, and that's part of the process, but I also know that there's a lot of "my stuff" in there as well .....xx

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  2. Ah, yes, that horrible nagging insecurity about being 'good enough' parents! I'm sure all parents feel like this from time to time, but few are under the sort of scrutiny that adoptive parents are regularly put under. My SWs often comment on how incredibly patient I am and I can always think of at least 20 occasions in the previous few days where I've been anything but!

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    1. LMAO and thank you for sharing that! I get the same comments too! I think the adoption process sets us up to feel like we're perfect parents. We've been approved after all. If only the reality lived up to the expectation eh? xxx

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    1. LOL I feel like an Olympic hurdler now!! LOL xx

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  4. I can relate to this feeling. Even now if I ever do come across a social worker or even teachers at school, I start worrying that I will be identified as a fraud. I worry that my children tell them about the shouting and the tears and that social services will be on my door step at any moment. So I understand. However I bet Pip is doing brilliantly and Katie as you say is reacting as to be expected. Keep up the amazing work. xx

    Thank you for linking up with The Weekly Adoption Shout Out.

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    1. Bless you and thank you Sarah. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. I do feel that we are set up for feeling this way though because the adoption process highlights all our strengths but the actual parenting brings up all our weaknesses (well that's how it feels at times for me). On a plus, all those strengths help you work out what feels like all the weaknesses (most of the time). Katie is definitely reacting (although judging by today's antics at school I'd say that today's misdemeanor was definitely not as expected!) xxx

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  5. I do that too! I feel like I need to keep talking and I share way too much information and then I get all uncomfortable but I just can't shut up! Haha. I'm glad I'm not alone...and that everything is going so well!

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    1. You're definitely not alone Lindsay!! I hear myself babbling and wonder who on earth is now inhabiting my body!! Too much of a people pleaser I think. As a trained therapist you'd think I'd know better eh? LOL xx

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  6. Hi, I've just read this update. From a SWs perspective most of us realise that our presence can make adopters feel the way you describe, we really try not to put you on edge! we just love to see the children we've come to know and feel responsible for be with their new families; it's the best bit of the job and makes all that paperwork and panel scrutiny worthwhile. And we seriously don't stress about the state of your housework as most of us have untidy homes and challenging children too! So really when we visit we just want a cuppa, a biscuit is a bonus, a natter about it all and to spend a little time with the children - simple. It really is a privilege to be part of bringing a family together. So please don't stress when we visit we are not that scary!

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