Day 2 of Introductions

Today we had our Planning Meeting before our "official" introductions started with Pip.

After the false start with it all on Monday, and an email from me highlighting that I was worried that our introduction plan wouldn't go to plan because of it all,  it was agreed that the meeting would go ahead at the Foster Carers (FC) house (it's worth pushing these things - don't be too shy about it).  Of course, when we all arrived,  Pip was sitting in his high chair munching his lunch so you can guess where my attention was throughout the meeting (this is why they like to have the meetings in the office). I helped Pip with lunch and fed him his yogurt whilst doing all the professional planning stuff and trying to agree a plan for the introductions.  It was very distracting because he would forget to move his banana down in his hand so was munching furiously on his hand. 

We had 4 Social Workers (SW) at the meeting. Ours; Pip's; the FCs SW and the Managing SW. 

Here is the schedule that we have agreed for the introductions:

Thurs (tomorrow): Just me from 10:30pm until 2pm to do nap and lunchtime (Daddy has a big meeting unfortunately that he can't get out of).
Friday: Me plus Katie and Daddy from 11am until 2.30pm - nap, lunchtime and bottle.
Saturday: All of us: 3.30pm until bedtime
Sunday: All of us: 10:30am until 2:30pm - we'll be taking him out in the car.
Monday: All of us: 10 am FC is bringing him to ours for the day and we're taking him home around 5pm
Tuesday: 9:30 Review Meeting / 10am take him back to ours / 3pm back to FC for final farewell tea
Wednesday: Placement Day if all approved at Review Meeting.

Just think - In a week's time my little boy will be living at home with us. It seems inconceivable and very surreal.

Intros went really well today. As I mentioned before I fed him his lunch and entertained in for most of the Planning Meeting. I couldn't wait for all the SWs to go so that I could have a good old snuggle and a little kissy kissy.  He is so soft and very kissable!  One of the SWs stayed for a chat (she was lovely) about how cute Pip was and about our mutual love of all things furry and Daddy and I chatted with her and the FC whilst I was rocking Pip and having a bit of a play.  He had the hiccoughs so I was jumping up each time he hiccoughed, making him laugh. He is a real rough and tumble little fella so playtime is going to be lots of fun.

I got to change my first Pip nappy (just wee thankfully) and feed him his bottle.  He has the cutest and podgiest little legs you've ever seen. His skin is almost translucent white so his legs look ridiculously cute without his trousers on, rather like the Michelin Man. On a more serious note though I will have to routinely check through all the folds of skin to make sure he doesn't have any sores. I am hoping that once he is more mobile his little legs will start to slim down a bit.  He has already started to move about more and is rolling easily from his back to his stomach and is sitting with more strength but needs to be balanced to help him sit well.  Feeding him was lovely. Having him snuggled in my arms and holding onto my finger.  He's one heck of a feeder and will not let that bottle go once it was in his mouth and he gets quite upset when it's finished.

He was happy to be with me most of the time but I gave him back to the FC when he got fretful. I didn't think we needed to push it too much. He's just delightful though. Smiley and happy and giggly nearly all the time.

Daddy sat back a bit today as he's full of cold and worried about passing it on. He's got a big meeting at work and won't be coming with me tomorrow but we feel it's important to transfer the caring over to me as I'll be the primary carer. A week is not that long really so it seems sensible to transfer to me first and Daddy will be more hands on once Pip is home. 

Pip seemed to recognise us from the other day. It will be interesting to see his reaction tomorrow. Have invited FC to stay at our house for the first few hours next Monday and she'll be bringing all her kids with her so that they can see where Pip is going to be and to start getting their heads around it. We also thought it might be helpful if she was around for his first nap at our house in case he's confused but she's going to head off after that.

Katie is a little bit all over the place at the moment. She has worries about meeting Pip I think. She's been playing up at bedtime again feigning tummy aches and feeling sick to try and avoid going to bed.  She's been having some pretty monumental emotional meltdowns after school. She had nearly two hours or screaming over wearing a summer play suit the other evening.  Eventually even she realised how ridiculous and unreasonable she was being.  I plopped her in a deep, warm bath to settle her back down again which worked it's magic in no time.  I think it's just so much for a 5 year old to take on board.  I know how I felt about meeting Pip and I am able to rationalise things more. She said yesterday she didn't want to meet Pip on Friday. We talked a little bit about why that might be and I think she is worried he won't like her (plus various other reasons) so I whispered to her that it was a shame she felt that because I had it on good authority that Pip has a present for her.  Her eyes widened and she asked if he chose it himself. I replied that he needed a little help but she would find out more on Friday. Needless to say she is on board and ready to go now. I'm not going to say much to her for the next day or so and let things settle a bit.  I've told her that we will be seeing him tomorrow so she is prepared that he will already know us. It's such a balancing act. What's the right thing to say? How do you make it all easier for them?

On top of everything going on our poor cat Leo is currently on bed rest (have you ever tried to get a cat to have bed rest? Not for the feint hearted) because he has a small fracture around his hip area.  We are either looking at surgery to fuse the bone or for him to have a full hip replacement.  He's only two years old. Thankfully he's insured. We'd be looking at £4.5k for the hip replacement. The issue with the hip replacement is the 8 weeks of cage rest that would follow it.  It doesn't bear thinking about. He would hate it! That is why we think the fusion operation might be better for him. He'll be up and about again much more quickly but he might just loose a bit of mobility and might get arthritis when he is older. We've already had entropion eye surgery for our poor fella so I think he is going to be "one of those cats with lots of issues".  So he's going to see the Orthopaedic specialist next Tuesday when Pip is visiting our house. 

All in a day in the mad Katie household eh?

Don't even think about asking me how I'm feeling at the moment. I don't have a clue. Emotional; manic; in love; anxious; to name but a few!....and I seem to have a major sugar craving going on as well.

I can't wait for tomorrow morning when I see Pip again though ........

Our First Hello

Meeting your child for the first time is an indescribable experience.  Meeting Pip was certainly that. It was very emotionally overwhelming and amazing and beautiful.  I've had to come home and have two carrot cake cupcakes and a really good cry before I can write anything.

We arrived about 25 minutes early at the Foster Carers. Anyone who knows me us knows that we are never on time for anything. I work on a whole different time zone to the rest of the world that runs at around 5-10 minutes behind the GMT clock!  Today was very special and I didn't want to get lost again (and we didn't have a Katie to argue with about sitting in the back seat) so we left very early.  The FCs car wasn't there when we arrived (I was secretly hoping we could sneak in early) so we waited in the car, champing at the bit, desperate for her to arrive home and keeping busy by texting a friend.

Finally, 12pm arrived along with our Social Worker, and we could go in.

Pip's FC opened the door with him in her arms.  We stood there just gazing at him until the FC invited us in and ushered us into the lounge.  I was wondering what would happen next.

He was munching on the remnants of a grape and having a good old dribble. I smiled at him and said hello.

He smiled. A dribbly and grape filled smile.

Then the FC handed him to me. I wasn't sure if she would.

And he cuddled straight into my arms and I fell totally and completely in love.

What a gorgeous little fella he is.  Firstly I will say, just to get it out of the way, that he doesn't look at podgy as everyone has been going on about. Yes he has at least two more chins than you might ordinarily expect to see, but he's a baby. A gorgeous little chubby baby!

What a happy little chap he is as well. He's so sociable and just loves to smile and giggle and cuddle. He's got incredibly strong legs and loved standing up on us both for most of the time.  He loves the book we made him and has almost worn the batteries out, in fact they are starting to make us sound like we are chipmunks!  He particularly loves the sounds of the cats meowing and purring. He loved the squeaky toy and cuddly blue bear we had brought him and we had lots of giggles and dribbles.  He loved his Daddy, it was very clear to see that almost immediately and Daddy seemed to be having a lovely time. He sat and played with him like a pro.  Pip happily stayed with us, in both our arms with us swapping reluctantly every so often, until it was almost time to leave and then he got a bit fretful. I'm going to pretend that he got fretful because he knew we were leaving. I was very good and let him go back to his FC to settle him but he came straight back to me afterwards.

Whilst we were huggling and playing we learned that Pip has now dropped a bottle and is only having three a day and that he is now having three proper meals a day (and that he rather likes this stuff called food - particularly cheese!). He is sitting more strongly so I don't think it will be long before he can sit unaided and is now rolling around. He is just having one nap most days, in the morning and he goes to bed without any fan fare or faffle! He might teach Katie a thing or two....not the other way around I beg though!

The one thing that marred the visit ever so slightly is an issue over the Planning Meeting on Wednesday. The FC won't be able to get to our LA's offices and then back to her house for us to spend time with Pip before the school run starts so there is currently a possibility that we won't have an introduction on Wednesday as well. We're already missing out tomorrow because the FC has an outing planned. I will not miss Wednesday as well! Our SW is going to speak to her manager to gain approval to have the meeting at the FC's house (which is what we did when we were having intros with Katie). I will be kicking up a storm if we don't get to see him on Wednesday I can tell you that know. I can just about hang on until then.

I'm going to have to busy myself a lot tomorrow to distract myself. I hate leaving Pip when we said goodbye and I didn't really speak much on the way home. I was upset about the Planning Meeting issue and just so overwhelmed with emotions that I felt unable to speak other than to smile at Daddy and exchange a few excited words. I emailed our SW in the car to send the confirmatory email that we wanted to proceed.

Roll on Wednesday - I just want my boy home with me.

NOW!!!! - please.....

The Night Before......

It's the night before we meet Pip. The nursery is ready. The pushchair is decked out with every gadget I can find. I've learned how to make up a bottle safely. The car seat is fitted. The cot has been put together and has some gorgeous bedding and some snuggle friends are nestled within waiting for their baby friend. I've washed more clothes than I knew it was possible to wash. We have nappies and creams and even a baby sling. We're ready. All we need now is a baby.

It's been an amazing weekend. Well I say weekend but the weekend started on Thursday for me with a birthday visit to Harry Potter World. What a day! I cannot tell you how much I loved it there and was so excited to finally be visiting. I won't spoil anything for anyone who wants to go but I will say I came home with the most adorable toy Hedwig that everyone now keeps trying to steal!  I was treated to dinner at our local Prezzos by one of my best friends (and treated to some flirty smiles from the very young waiter) on Friday night and then Saturday we had the baby shower.

We actually decided to set a new tradition and have a "family" shower. Adoption is about making families and everyone in the family is involved so we decided we wanted everyone involved. We had a garden full of children bouncing on the trampoline and joining in with games like "Stick the Dummy on the Baby" and "Guess the Chocolate in the Nappy". We had a sweetie treasure hunt; "Guess the Nursery Rhyme"; "Who's the famous baby?" and a pram Piñata, with which the children terrified the lives out of the adults! There was some serious venting of emotions on that poor pram I can tell you! Therapists are being sought as we speak!

Each of the guests was given a sheet to write their wishes for Pip. Everyone dived into the task, even the children, and wrote some beautiful wishes that set my tears flowing. Wishes for a happy life and ignoring mean people; becoming a loving and generous man; and a life filled with love and laughter (and definitely not being afraid of cats) filled the sheets. They will be set into an album for Pip to read in the future. So many hopes and dreams were shared and wished. 

I am lucky to count Mrs Vander-Cave from http://www.backofbeyondbaking.co.uk as one of my closest friends and she made me the most beautiful baby shower cake. Considering the cake was totally gluten free so I could eat it, you would have never known. One bite of that chocolate fudge cake had everyone hooked and I was in heaven with the added fondant icing. The decoration was beautiful and set the tears flowing again. Unfortunately the cake has Pip's real name on so I am unable to share a picture here for you to see.

We were given some gorgeous presents: clothes, books, toys and themost adorable pair of shoes and it really was one of those days when my cup runneth over. There was just one tiny person missing from all the fun. 

Tomorrow, at noon, we meet that little man for the first time. My stomach is tied up in knots and dancing with tiny little butterflies at what tomorrow will bring. We will have just one precious hour with him. It doesn't sound much. It doesn't feel enough. It feels surreal at the moment. I keep looking at the cot in the nursery in awe and try to imagine it with a sleeping little man tucked up inside. I wonder what tomorrow will be like. Will Pip take to us? Will we be able to hold him? Will he wonder what on earth is going on and feel overwhelmed with these two crazy people staring at him? Heck I feel overwhelmed! I couldn't really pin point all the emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I know I keep leaking around the eyes at inopportune moments or if someone does something nice for me. I feel excited and terrified in equal measures. I've never been left in charge of a baby for more than a few hours before so there's a learning curve coming my way. I actually Googled "How do you amuse a 7 month old baby?" the other night, feeling like a total numpty as I did so. I was incredibly reassured to read that my normal baby stuff was the standard stuff mentioned so am not feeling quite so totally unprepared now.

I'm hoping to write each day and share what's been happening. We won't be seeing Pip on Tuesday as he has a day out with his Foster Carer planned. Yes, that has totally annoyed me as we will literally meet him and then not see him for a day and I don't know how I'll manage on Tuesday, but I'll try and be the grown up and not moan too much even though I'm not feeling very mature about it. We have a Planning Meeting around lunchtime on Wednesday and then we'll spend some time afterwards on Wednesday and then Thursday with Pip and his Foster Carer learning his routine.

Katie will be meeting Pip on Friday. I've bought her a big sister t-shirt and card as a present for Friday morning and Pip has bought Katie the most incredible My Little Pony Build-a-Bear with wings and a cape and roller skates. She will be blown away as she's wanted one for ages. We'll then see now it all goes once big sis and little bro get acquainted. After that we hope Pip will be all moved in with us by mid half term week. 

What a week it's going to be......

 

 

 

Kiss!

Any parent-to-be has thoughts that they probably don't advertise to the world. Thoughts about what the future with their new child will be like; what sort of parent they will be; what their child will be like; whether they will love that child and whether that child will love them.  Thoughts that you wouldn't put on a picture postcard.

Adoptive parents are no different. Well I'm certainly no different. 

The thing is, if you voice these thoughts aloud people will either immediately jump in to reassure you that you've nothing to worry about or your worst fear is that they will judge you as the worst kind of person. Who wouldn't love their child? I secretly suspect they are really nodding along and agreeing with you. I will be honest and say that, since Matching Panel, I've been having a secret little panic about all these things. 

Now I know where, for me, the anxieties about my ability to parent two children come from. It's all childhood stuff. I know that the anxieties originate from someone else's inability to cope and I shouldn't own them but that's transference in all its glory for you. I'm carrying around someone else's stuff and claiming it as my own. The only way to deal with that anxiety is to dive into the swirling waters and see if I've had enough swimming lessons. I know that there will be days when I will lock myself in the toilet for 5 minutes and do the yoga Tree position until I know there will be no need for the emergency services to be called. Equally there will be days when I smile blissfully and feel deep down in my belly that life doesn't get better than this. Anxiety is a real mind messer though. It doesn't encourage you to loom at the positives. Its power lies in its ability to strip you down to the core.

Wondering whether you will love your child is a real emotional toughie. I cannot imagine a deeper love for a child than that which I have for Katie. I also know that the heart does go on has the capacity to grow all sorts of additional annexes and wings to accommodate all the love that is required. Planning permission is rarely required for this. That doesn't stop the little niggle growing inside me as we approach our first meeting with Pip. What if we don't bond?

With Katie, I would say that I first felt that emotional pull when we saw the most gorgeous picture of her at Matching Panel. Within 10 minutes of meeting her I could feel the spiritual bond between us. It is a bond that deepens every day (and that's saying something that the moment as there has been some rather challenging behaviour in our house just lately - I'll write about that separately).  Will I feel that with Pip I wonder? Will there be that instant connection between us? Everything was very straightforward with Katie. That doesn't mean it will be that way this time.

I can't compare the experience as a birth parent but I can say that I feel these thoughts are heightened as an adoptive parent. We don't get bump bonding time. We get a sheet (or several) of paper with factual information about a child, our child, and usually the most awful picture you will ever see of your child to accompany it (I commented to our Social Workers recently that I think these pictures are a conspiracy against adoptive parents). This is what we have to bond with. The adoption system interferes with bonding at every stage because you have to wait for Matching Panel and then the "recommendations" from said panel have to be ratified by the Agency Decision Maker (ADM). You have the anxiety at every stage, what if they say No? Social Workers use phrases like "If panel approve the match" and then after being approved at Matching Panel the Chair will say "Of course this is just our recommendation, the ADM still has to make the final decision". After you get that formal nod or signature of approval from the ADM you get to meet your child for an hour to see how it goes. You can change your mind at that point. This isn't about buying a house for Pete's sake! This is about people. Living breathing children and adults. 

There is much made about how we work to support the bonding process of the child with us, but how does the system support our bond with our child in the build up to meeting stage? Well the answer is it doesn't. Adopters often feel that we are at the bottom of the heap when it comes to being considered in the adoption process. Our needs don't really feature very highly on the list of "must do's". I will just say here though that our new Social Worker" has been really great. She has phoned and emailed frequently to see how we're all doing and I think she'll be a great person to have on board once Pip is home with us. She is however working within the parameters of her job and the information she needs to at her for her various reports. She is also working within uncertainties. 

I'm not good with too much thinking time. I can drive myself to Nutville very easily with very little fuel required. This blog is a great way of working stuff out in my head. I know I'm better at "doing". I'm Mrs Flatpack; Mrs Practical. I'm the one who reads the instructions and gets on with the job. There is no manual on love though. It's all down to pheromones and chemicals and some spiritual thing that ignites that spark. Babies have the whole ol factory thing down to a tee. Smelly nappies and baby sick aside, they have this unique baby smell that whispers beguilingly "Come love me and take care of me". I used to think it was the smell of talcum powder but that's not widely used any more so there must be more to it.

Reassurance to my anxieties is not needed. It will all be very que sera sera. I just want to get on with it now. I need to meet Pip and inhale him into my heart. He's been growing in my heart for quite a while now but I need the physicality of him to complete the idea of him. I need to make him real.  I need to face my anxiety about parenting two children and live with the reality I can't meet both their needs at the same time. I need to forgive myself if, some days, I morph into my mother, which is my biggest anxiety. I need to face my anxieties about how Katie will feel and cope. She needs the reality now as well. We've had to hypothesise and preempt far too much about how she will manage. She needs her brother at home with her before she internally combusts with the talk of it all. She's not worrying about whether she will love him. She just wants to have a bath with him.  Good advice for me too Katie!

She's quite a smart cookie really you know. My beautiful daughter. "Keep it simple" would be her inspirational quote (if she knew how to phrase it like that). Keep focussed on the simple stuff. She's right. Good advice sweety. Children are cool aren't they?

I wonder what Pip is going to teach me? Might this be his catch phrase?

Approved: A new Chapter Begins

Well, where do I start? How do I reduce such an important day to mere syllables, adjectives and nouns when I don't have the words to describe it? I'll go for the obvious and see where the keyboard takes me. 

Today we were approved to adopt Pip. Of course we still have to wait for the ADM (Agency Decision Maker to those of us not using the acronym) to tick his or her box on the sheet to approve it all formally but I'm not going to get anxious about that. I'm all out of anxiety after winding myself up in preparation for today. In fact I'm exhausted. I can't get myself wound up about it when the panel Chair used words like "serendipity" to describe the match. What are the odds of Katie's brother being granted a placement order the day after we were approved as adopters? There's no doubt in anyone's mind he was coming to join our family. 

The panel were lovely. There were very few questions and lots of support. It was as easy as a panel could be. They loved the pictures and sounds book we prepared for Pip. Oh the fun I had preparing that I can tell you. It shouldn't have been a difficult task, even for my lack of creative skills. We just needed to take some pictures; print those pictures; trim them to size and fit them in the correct spaces and then record the sounds to accompany said pictures. Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Well it should have been but that's all well and good if your technology is doing what it's supposed to be (and the human involved isn't 8 days overdue for her monthly visitor about suffering from the worst bout of PMT in a wee while). We're also just in the process of changing Internet providers and it's incredibly interesting how unreliable our Internet has been this week as we prepare to leave our current provider on Friday.

I digress. Back to the technology. Why, you may ask (with some justification), was I attempting to email all the pictures to myself when I could have just plugged my phone into the laptop? Good question. I had a momentary lapse in my whizz kid technological skills probably due to the PMT fog my brain has been reduced to. However it was the lack of emails arriving that alerted me to the fact that there was a problem with my Googlemail and the scary fact that this blog had also disappeared. Panic stations time! My heart was pounding! I felt sick with worry! What had I done, I asked myself? Had I broken a law of some kind? My worst blog fears were coming true. Time to self host methinks! Mind you, I do wonder if Google was protecting me from a hacker.  It took me an hour to reset all the passwords and access my email and blog. Only to find the pictures hadn't arrived so I plugged the phone into the laptop (finally). This wasn't as straightforward as it sounds because my lovely Samsung Note had a surprise new operating software download the day prior to all this and hasn't been working properly ever since (this week has challenged me technically in so many ways I can tell you and I'm still struggling with emails). Anyway, after two hours the pictures were printed and trimmed and then I fought with the book for half an hour to get them into the sleeves ready for Daddy, Katie and me to record all the sounds.

It's such a shame I can't upload the video of the book to show you, however I take Katie's safety very seriously and the book has lots of pics of her and uses her proper name so I'm afraid I can't. I will say that Katie's recording of the cats miaowing and purring was priceless! So funny! Panel loved it and hopefully so will Pip.

So we are meeting Pip on 21st May and Katie will have her first meeting with him on 24th May. We won't be telling her we're meeting him before her. We don't think that would go down very well. I think she'd find that somhard to process and i couldnt do that to her. The hope is that he will be home with us during half term week, just one week after that first meeting. It's getting so close. I can't wait for that first cuddle. 

We have been warned by the SWs, Medical Adviser and Uncle Tom Cobbley that Pip is a bit of a chunk. It sounds like I'll be building up some serious biceps soon. I've been joking I'll need a back brace! He is as round as he is long. He's 6 months but bursting out of the 6-9 months clothes apparently. I have visions of buttons popping off and whizzing around the room!  The picture they showed us today did the poor wee lad no favours at all. I don't think a shirt is a good look when you have three chins! I can't wait to hold him though and I rather suspect the weight thing will resolve itself once he's mobile and weaned. We have a theory that SWs show you the worst picture imaginable just to make sure you'll love them despite anything else. It was the same for Katie's first pic as well. Her picture bore no resemblance to the child we met. 

So 13 days to go.

13 days until our family triangle has an extra corner and turns into a square.

I'm a mum-to-be and I can't wait.

But for now I need to sleep. Those who know me well know I have an emotional delay default button. I haven't cried today (well I did but it was only when I bashed my hand). I shed happy tears and sad tears but rarely at the right time. I'm too tired to access all the emotions right now. I'm emotionally drained. They will come. Probably in the middle of Greys Anatomy. Greys is brilliant for accessing emotions and purging yourself of them. I recommend it to everyone. 

Thank you to everyone who has been supporting us throughout this adoption. You've all kept me going and I am so grateful to you all. I can't wait to share the next chapter with you just as I shared Katie's first chapter with us right back in March 2010 when I started this blog.

Busy Days!

I'm so hyperactive at the moment I rather suspect I could self combust, if I had the time of course.  My mind is racing and I'm having to write lists just to keep me doing one job at a time. I've got so much that I want to achieve in a few short weeks.

It's fair to say that generally, normally, I like to rumble along.  I'm not one of life's thrill seekers. I'm the proverbial tortoise (who just happens to walk like a tall, fast, person - I'm the opposite of tall but that doesn't stop me trying to walk with the biggest strides my little legs will take).  You'll generally find me in the kitchen at parties and I'll take the children to Alton Towers and Thorpe Park with friends that they can take on the whizzy, whirly, rides with them.  I like to be able to breathe.  I prefer sedate, yogic, breathing (where possible) to hyperventilation.  At the moment I have a slightly manic look in my eyes and the tension in my shoulders tells me that a) I've been doing a lot of painting and b) I need to do some deep breathing.

As you can imagine, there isn't much yogic breathing going on here at the moment.  If I did I would deep breathe the paint fumes too far down into my lungs.  My hips are creaking ever so slightly more than usual and my back is screaming out for my, currently non-existent, daily yoga.  I can hear my yoga mat screaming out to me but I'm like a woman possessed.  I'm pushing on til dawn! I just want to get everything ready in plenty of time so that I can sit back and enjoy the introductions with Pip when they start.  I know, I know, it's not going to be anything like that if I can no longer actually move my arms in order to hold the little laddy so I need to slow down.  I will, honest....once I sorted the nursery out.  It's the scary place to visit at the moment as there is so much that needs to be sorted out in there.  I've been turning my focus first to all the jobs that I claimed I was going to do when Katie started school back in September.  Jobs like painting the hall, downstairs bathroom and lobby (a sort of walkway into the bathroom that also acts as a large cupboard and coat hanging place).  My achy back and shoulders are testament to the fact that the first two have now been accomplished!  If anyone dares to comment that I've had since September to do these jobs I will give them a steely stare (I'm not up to hitting them anymore as that requires far too much effort!).  Tomorrow I'm painting the lobby and then I can turn my attention to the nursery.

I've definitely not been resting on my laurels over the past few weeks. I do have most of what I need now purchased and sitting in boxes, somewhere in the dumping ground that the nursery has become.  I have bottles and teats and milk and lots and lots of freshly washed baby grows and clothes folded neatly (that won't last) away in the chest of drawers.  That reminds me......I need to go and buy nappies and wipes in the near future.  I've started clearing out my wardrobe that currently lives in that room and is soon to meet the fate of the local tip. I'm threatening Daddy with divorce if we don't sort out the under-eaves cupboard in Pip's room so I've got somewhere to store all the clothes for him to grow in to.  I need to transform the cot bed back into a cot (I hope I can remember how to do it as it didn't come with instructions).  I want to stick a fresh coat of paint on the walls next week and I'm still trying to source curtains that are a) blackout and b) long enough to fit the balcony door in Pip's room and c) that actually look like the belong in a nursery. I'm not having much luck with that latter bit so they might end up being plain navy.  I do have a very cute blind ordered with stars on for the Velux window though. 

As you can see I'm on a slightly manic mission!

I can't actually wait to have it all finished.  To sit and do that breathing thing in Pip's room and see where he will soon be sleeping (all through the night of course!).  I cannot wait to give my son his last bottle in the rocking chair (provided there is room to keep it as we also need to keep the spare futon in the room and the room isn't palatial by any stretch of the imagination).  I might need to revise that vision to giving him is bottle on the probably more comfy, but less rocky, futon.  Life will soon take on a very different pace in our house. I just want to be ready so that I can enjoy it all when it comes and not be thinking of what needs to be done.

We have Matching Panel next week.  I have bought this very cute, butterfly, recordable book by Tomy to do a family picture and sounds book for Pip.  My whirly mind is currently thinking of themed pictures and sounds to introduce us all in the way a 6 month old baby will find amusing. I'm thinking we'll try and do some "boo" things in it.  We've been given permission by our Social Workers to tell Katie about her brother.  She knows he's her biological brother because he grew in the same tummy as her and she's seen a picture of him.  Seeing the picture was really helpful for her.  It's hard with any panel though because words like "if" get used a lot. I pointed out to our Social Workers that if there was a good reason for our match not to be approved I would have thought that they would have thought of it already. They did agree with this but it wouldn't do to use any positive words in the world of Social Work. I'll be glad for approval next week, although you can't fully celebate until the Decision Maker has ratified the decision!!! Welcome to the world of adoption.

As well as being manic (which I'm trying to limit to school-time) Katie is showing signs of regression, which we expected.  Expecting it doesn't make it any easier to manage I will admit.  It's OK in theory but when you are presented with a constantly tantruming and moaning 5 year old, with all the strength that they have, it's quite an emotional challenge.  She is also doing a lot of baby talking.  We are going with it but our boundaries are very tight. Whilst I understand and empathise with why Katie is behaving in this manner, I'm afraid I won't accept it.  We are managing with lots of love and cuddles but clear consequences for the less desirable behaviour.  I think it's so hard for her to visualise how life is going to be soon. Heaven knows I'm finding it hard so how must it be for her?  She is good at articulating how she is feeling and she has said she is worried about how much time we'll have together when Pip comes home.  We've started building "girl time" into our daily week already and plan that Saturday mornings will be our special time when Daddy will look after Pip and I'll take Katie to her dance class and then out for a treat afterwards.  I said to her that I rather suspect she'll be so busy with her brother that I'll feel left out! 

Well back to it and all that.  It was nice to sit for a while and write.  Gets some of that breathing done!

Couldn't resist this.............

Meeting Pip's Foster Carer

Yesterday was a day that took us a step closer to bringing our son home.  We met his Foster Carer.

We were meeting her at 1pm.  I was a bundle of hyperactive energy all morning. It was one of those days when everything that could go wrong, went wrong.  I had a difficult morning with communication generally.  A challenging person and a very challenging computer.  I was writing my

list of questions for the Foster Carer.  I even saved the document.  Then my laptop closed itself down to install some Windows updates.  Usually I spot that these things are going on but, I was so stressed after the challenging person and the need to get the questions written, I totally missed it.  I reassured myself that the document would autosave but when I opened the file, it was totally empty except for the shell of the table I had created.  An hour's work gone.  I took a deep breath and recreated the document, saving it every time I added a question......just to be sure.  I ate some chocolate and had a cup of tea.  I forced a sandwich down.

It was time to leave.  The Sat Nav on my phone was programmed.  I was picking Daddy up en-route.  I got half way to Daddy's office and realised I had left the bag with the two Grobags and blanket on the table.  I turned around, leaving a message for Daddy that I was going to be 15 minutes late.  Thankfully I was well organised (theoretically) and was running early.  Bag collected, I picked Daddy up and we headed off for the 40 minute journey.

We reached our destination, only it wasn't our destination. The Sat Nav had changed the postcode. I know I put the correct one in because I did it twice.  OK no problem, we'll re-enter the postcode.

"

 GPS signal is lost.

We have 10 minutes to get there but we don't know where "there" is.

I'm getting a bit stressy. I need The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to tell me "DON'T PANIC"

I decide to just drive around the one-way system to pick up the GPS signal again.  Daddy is busy trying to find the address in his IPad.  We have 5 minutes to get there.  Finally, the GPS kicks back in.  We have a route.  It will take us 10 minutes to get there.  I can't believe we're going to be late.  I phone our Social Worker and give her the heads up and apologise profusely.  Of course, she's already there.  She gives us a pointer towards where the house is.  I'm trying to stick to the speed limit.

We arrive. I breathe. We are only 7 minutes late.  We receive a lovely welcome from the Foster Carer (who I actually sort of know from a mutual previous career).  We sit down and we start to ask our questions.

It was great to hear so much about Pip from the person who currently loves and cares for him.  It's clear she totally adores him.  It shone from her eyes and was clear in her smile.  He sounds lovely.  He's currently 6 months old.  He's not quite ready to sit up as he's a bit of a Michelin baby.  He's starting to teethe.  He's inquisitive and likes to be part of the action.  He looks like Katie.  He even sounds like Katie as a baby.  He's really chilled out and takes everything in his stride.

My heart just ached to meet him all the way through the meeting but I tried to stay professional and not let the tears that were threatening, fall.  We learned a lot about our son.  I know his nappy size and lots of practical stuff.  I am get set, ready, GO! to finish off my shopping now.

But all I want to do is to see him.  I want to hold him.  I want to see his smile.

These next few weeks are going to be busy but they are going to be so hard.  Waiting is so tough at this stage.  The administrative stuff has to be done.  We have to return to Matching Panel for the match to be approved and then wait again for the ratification of the decision.  We do have a potential first meeting date though and that is only 25 days away. We have been given permission to tell Katie all about Pip now including the fact that he is her biological brother.  She now knows his real name.  She said that he was "adorable". I'll write more about that conversation separately.

I've got a lot to do over the next few weeks. Jobs I've been putting off since September now have a bit of an urgency attached to them so I might not be blogging so much. I am fond of late night blogging at the moment so I may turn out to be around more than I think.

I thought I would share my list of questions for the Foster Carer in case they are ever of any use to anyone else.  Feel free to copy them.

1.	What is the baby like generally? i.e. tell me all about him
2.	What size nappies is s/he wearing? Brand used? Does he suffer from nappy rash? How many nappies does he generally get through in a day? Does he like being changed?
3.	What size clothes is he wearing? Sock size? How many outfits in a day generally?
4.	What milk does he have? How many bottles does he have a day and how many ounces? Instructions for feeding/winding? What works well with him?  What teats are you using?
5.	What is his daytime routine? What time does he generally wake up? When does he nap? For how long? How many naps per day? Does he sleep in his pram at all or just in the cot? Does he settle easily or put up a protest?
6.	What does he like to do when he is awake? Does he use a baby gym for tummy time? Does he use a bouncy chair?
7.	Is there anything that makes him sad or anxious?
8.	What makes him smile/giggle?
9.	What is his current weight?
10.	Is he weaning yet and if so what does he like so far?
11.	Is he using a dummy still? If so, which kind?
12.	Does he have any skin sensitivity?
13.	What toiletries/washing products/wipes do you currently use?
14.	What is his bedtime routine? Does he sleep in the dark or with a nightlight? Is he still sleeping through the night? Is he a light or deep sleeper? What does he like to sleep in?
15.	Has he had any illnesses at all?
16.	What injections has he had so far? What was his reaction to them?
17.	How did he cope with contact? How was he afterwards?
18.	How would you describe his attachment to you? Was that effected by contact at all?
19.	Are you using a cot or a cot bed?  Will his mattress be coming with him or do we need to buy one?
20.	What clothes and toys will be coming with him?
21.	What is he like in the car? Is he ok or does he get stressed? Does he sleep in the car? Does he need a baby insert in the car seat still?
22.	Is he using a sippy cup and having tap water yet? If so, what cup is he using?
23.	Is he teething? If so, how many teeth and how is it effecting him?
24.	Is he sitting yet? Rolling over?
25.	Has he been exposed to any pets? Any reaction?
26.	Has he ever been swimming? If so, what was his reaction?
27.	How do you bath him? Big bath? Baby bath? Does he like bath time? Is he happy in the water?
28.	Is he burbling/making sounds etc?