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"Dealing" with Demand Avoidance?

Dealing with demand avoidance is a common discussion in online adoption groups and it's certainly a topic that creates a lot of high emotion. The first thing I need to say is that we don't "deal" with demand avoidance.  That word suggests there is a solution with a cure, and also that it is something done to someone.  What we do is try to learn to manage demand avoidance, both in terms of conscious parenting but also in relation to our own emotional self awareness and regulation.   Pathological/extreme demand avoidance (PDA/EDA) is not the kind of avoidance many regular parents see with their children when they ask them to do something like putting out the rubbish or tidy their rooms (or the dreaded homework). It's not the "I'll do it later or in a minute" that many parents of teenagers feel frustrated about.  Instead it can feel like an energy force that runs through every single thing your child experiences all day, every day. The most important wo

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