Saturday, 10 May 2014

Hot Fuzz!


Over the past couple of days Katie has surpassed herself with her challenging behaviour.  I said to TCM that I'm reminded of the film Parenthood and the scene where Steve Martin's son has a meltdown because he gets beaten by a game called Bad Dudes.  That scene sums up life in our house at the moment.  However, even the electric ear-cleaner scene pales into comparison with the stunt Katie pulled yesterday.

Yesterday after school we decided to play in the garden for a while before having tea and getting ready for gymnastics.  We had a lovely time.  I got a bowl of water out and the children were both playing nicely with it.  Our garden is north-facing though and has a dense clay soil so the wet weather has left the garden quite muddy.  Katie was still in her school uniform and took off her school shoes.  She was wearing brand new white socks so I asked her to put her shoes back on.

"No" she said so I told her to put them on again.

Again she refused and then ran across the muddy grass.  I told her to put the shoes back on otherwise we would have to go inside.  She refused so I picked her up and carried her inside.

She wasn't happy with this outcome.

Not happy at all.

So she picked up my glass of water and threw it, smashing the glass into smithereens.

I was not happy with this outcome.

Not happy at all.

So I very loudly and clearly told her to get herself into her room and told her that she wouldn't be going to gymnastics tonight.

That didn't go down well.

I rushed to pick up Pip from the garden and put him in his playpen to keep him safe from the glass.

In between this Katie required more support to go to her room. She didn't want to go willingly.

I emailed TCM and asked him if he could come home from work as early as possible as I could foresee a challenging time ahead.  He replied to say he was just leaving and he'd be home as soon as possible.

Once she was in her room, I cleared up all the glass.  I swept it up and then started hoovering to ensure I'd picked it all up.  I decided I might as well quickly put the hoover around downstairs whilst I was at it.

I was hoovering the hall when there was a knock at the door.  Initially I thought it was TCM and that I'd left my key in the door but on closer inspection there appeared to be two figures at the door.

I opened the door and saw two policemen standing at the door.

I looked at them quizzically, my heart sinking.  Was TCM OK?

"Is everything OK in the house madam?"

"Ummm yes, everything is fine" I replied, heart sinking again that the neighbours had heard all the shouting and called the police.

"Only we received an emergency call from this house"

What?

"No I've not phoned you" I said, a thought starting to articulate in my brain.

KATIE!

"But I think I might know who called you"  I then explained what had happened over the previous 30 minutes.

They explained that they had to come in and speak to Katie to make sure she was OK.

My heart sank.

The house was a total tip.  Not just a bit of a mess.  But a total bloody mess.  Where we're sorting things out to move out for 6 months whilst we extend the house, it currently looks like we're auditioning for a place on one of those hoarding programmes.  I didn't want anyone in my house.  Especially not two, rather hunky looking, cops.

They had to come in.  They had to ensure that I wasn't hoovering up some evidence I imagine.  They did their best to put me at my ease.

I called up to Katie "Katie have you phoned anyone?"

"No Mummy" Katie came to the top of the stairs attempting to look innocent but failing miserably. 

"Well there are two visitors here downstairs who say that someone in this house phoned them. I know it wasn't me and I know it wasn't Pip because he's here with me.  So that leaves you."

"Who is it Mummy?"

"It's the police"

A look of horror and shock and fear passed over Katie's face.

"You need to come downstairs and tell them that you're OK".

"NO!" She paled and she fled into Pip's room

I called her a few more times but she wasn't coming down (can you blame her?) so I excused myself from the policemen and said that I needed to go and talk to her to try and get her downstairs.

I found her cowering behind Pip's cot.  Totally stunned and rather terrified looking (so she bloody should be!).

Lots of negotiations later she still wouldn't come downstairs so I had no option but to invite the policemen upstairs to view the upstairs of my very messy house. I have to say I was pretty stunned by everything taking place and feeling quite bemused. This has never happened to me before.  Or maybe it was because they were both so good looking.  They came up carrying Pip, bless them.  They made jokes about how cute he was and handed him back to me.

I will say that they were brilliant with Katie.  They cajoled her and told her all about their 6 year old children  and the silly things they get up to and eventually she came downstairs, hiding behind me, clinging hold of my hand.  I was trying to manoeuvere the stairs with Pip in my arms.


They told her off for breaking the glass and for phoning them.  Apparently they had their sirens and lights flashing and everything (a fact backed up by a very worried neighbour who phoned to make sure we were all OK). They impressed on her that she must never phone again unless it was an emergency. 

Then they left. Me waving them off with my still slightly WTF and bemused smile on my face.  In retrospect I think I was in total shock.

I was trying to think what to say to Katie. What do you say? Do I do the angry parent routine or do I allow the shock of the police being at the house work it's own magic? I plumped for the latter. To be honest I was still too shocked and mortified by the mess in the house and what on earth the police must have thought to be angry. How high on the crap parent scale did I score?

I sat Katie down for a chat. She admitted that she'd phoned the police but was totally confused as to how they knew the call came from our house.  I explained to her about tracing calls. She admitted she had phoned 999 because she was angry with me and wanted to get me into trouble.

Little ****!!!

Ha Ha! That backfired on her a bit didn't it?

I asked her if she was scared.  She looked terrified. She then fell apart and started sobbing in my arms. I held her and we talked about how she managed her anger and how dangerous throwing the glass was. TCM finally arrived home safe and well and we both chatted to her although she didn't really want to chat. By that point she was back to being rude and refusing to speak to us.  Personally I think she was so scared she was deflecting because she was feeling so overloaded with emotions.

Hopefully a lesson learnt. 

I suppose I'd better get on the phone to our Social Worker and give her a heads up on this little escapade.

I'll tell you about the stealing of the cough sweets and almost choking this morning another time.....

Did I mention that it's pretty relentless here at the moment?

7 comments:

  1. And then you messaged me and rather than ring you back I dialed 999! The operator was not impressed!!!

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    1. LOL sorry I forgot to add that into the story!! That was really funny. xxx

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  2. Another story for the future. We have had several calls to the police but only one visit (thankfully). They normally phone back. And it is so difficult to believe that it is happening to you. Chin up & carry on........

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    1. I couldn't believe that they had their lights on and everything to get to our house. The system does work I guess. It is funny. I can see the funny side. I hope that things settle down here again soon though. It's getting exhausting.

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  3. This was perfect timing, I'm truly exasperated by people who just think I'm mad/bad/sad mother or all 3. Thank you for reminding me we are not alone in the crazy world of adoption, and that all's normal on Planet Adoption.

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    1. I hear you on that. I often feel like a failure as a parent. Mostly because I don't live up to my own expectations of how I should be as a parent. We just keep trying on this crazy planet. We get up each day and start again and hope that it is ok and good enough. I really hope so. I could do with a crystal ball to reassure me at the moment! xx

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  4. Oh Gem, we had a version of this. We lost my daughter aged 8 on the way home and asked a policeman on a bicycle if he could search for her (she had gone on ahead instead of waiting for us outside a piano lesson) The wretched policeman insisted on logging the incident and then drove off to our house to check if she had been kidnapped by us (as that was where she had headed) Dd was completely mortified and we were completely mortified to have police calling at our house and checking up on us. I don't think she will ever ask a policeman for help again, she was so horrified when he came to the door to ask us questions.

    Dd was a very challenging 6 year old. Looking back I think the only advice I can give is pick your battles, and realise that for them being asked to do things is often the proverbial red rag to a bull when it is linked in their minds with any sort of displeasure, even if we don't mean it that way. I hate mud in my house too, and our garden is east facing and very muddy, and have been driven to despair by dd's cavalier attitude to possessions/belongings. However, children do love to take their shoes off and care very little for how much laundry we have to do, so I suppose unless it is a cast-iron rule that she always wears shoes outside or wellies or crocs or even takes her socks off completely, I can see that it would be easy for her to dig her heels in (literally) over that particular battle. The problem with battles is that they escalate, and setting a boundary for one thing which matters less to you, can lead to a terrible showdown, and both parties can be entrenched with no way out. Could you come up with creative solutions to her pushing you, rather than boundaries, which she seems to be quite resistant to?
    Maybe school is a source of anxiety too, that makes her behave badly in the mornings and after. Could you wangle some time off for her, not for treats but just to do everyday stuff with her. I used to make the mistake of trying to have special time with dd, when I think what she wanted was to do everyday stuff with me. It was almost as if she thought the only way to communicate with me was just to keep pushing pushing pushing, asking for things, demanding things, and she didn't even know what she wanted from me. What she wanted, and I know now, because she has it, it just to be close, chat, hang around, be listened to, have a laugh with me.

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