Thursday, 12 February 2015
#Thinking Slimmer Week 2 and a bit...
I could blame the fact that I'm ridiculously busy and utterly exhausted on the lack of Week 2 post about my Thinking Slimmer project but that would be lying. I am busy and exhausted but I'm also hormonal and hormonal means HORMOANAL and a less than perfect relationship with food so I'm feeling quite low on the weight loss front. In fact I've put on 2 of the pounds I lost - although I'm not entirely sure how; I only had one packet of biscuits after all and only 2 glasses of wine in a week.
The problem with PMDD is that it impacts very heavily on my body. It impacts on how I see myself; how I feel about myself; how I react to things; my impulse control; my energy levels; my overall mood; and how my body processes the food it eats.
My PMDD is currently a shadow of its former self thanks to monthly Prostrap injections. Prostrap keeps me in a chemically induced menopause pending a hysterectomy at some point when I have a window where I can take some time out to factor in the recovery time. Shutting down my ovaries means that I react less severely to the changes of hormones during my monthly cycle. The minor wrinkle is that it's common for the injection effects to start to wear off before the next injection. Some months are better than others but I get a few bad days prior to my injection and for a few days afterwards whilst my body resettles again. Oestrogen patches help but around injection time I feel generally all over the place and one of the major symptoms is that I feel exhausted and hungry all the time. I had been doing really well with the impact of listening to my Slimpod but this past week has been a massive challenge as I crave carbohydrates and sugar. On the plus side (and I am good at finding the plus side) I did put back a packet of biscuits onto the shelf in the supermarket and only bought the milk and bread I went in for.
I will admit that this past week I've just wanted to say to hell with it all. I've got too much on to be stressing over my weight as well. But I want this for me. I want to feel slimmer and healthier but more importantly I want to repackage my relationship with food once and for all. I want to not feel fearful if I go out without a snack and to be able to handle feeling hungry without thinking I'm going to have a panic attack. I won't bore you with all the reasons why these issues have evolved. The most important thing is that I do know the origins just as I know why I have to eat everything on my plate irrespective of whether I'm full or not. Sorting the psychology out is more important than any current weight loss because I'm in this for the long haul. I want to sort this out for the rest of my life and have the tools I need to do that.
So despite the fact that I've put on a few pounds this week and my jeans are feeling very snug again, I'm trying to see the bigger picture and understand what I'm really trying to achieve here and keep the faith that, in time, I will overcome the psychological issues that keep the weight on my body. I asked myself many years ago what I had to gain from being overweight and I understand the answer. Periods of vulnerability have traditionally brought about a weight gain as I seek to protect myself. That is the stuff that I am working on and hopefully the weight loss will come about in time. I'm making lots of healthy choices. I'm not drinking alcohol and am eating very little chocolate (interestingly I noticed a direct correlation between drinking a glass of wine and desperately craving chocolate - a great realisation to come to just prior to Valentines Day!)
So I will keep listening to Trevor; read some more of the healthy eating literature I've been sent; remember to write down my three daily changes which I've not been doing; and think about adding an additional listen in each day at my evening trigger time and see what week 3 brings............