Thursday, 20 October 2011

Dreaming of what might become....

I spend a lot of my time over-analysing things.  I've always been the same.  I think far too much about what might be or what if etc.  I worry about being a good parent far too much.  Sometimes it's nice to just dream about things though with no hidden anxiety and that's exactly what I've been doing about stepping back into the adoption process.  Dreaming of what might become.  Dreaming of changing nappies again; dreaming of a little girl sleeping in her bedroom in her cot; dreaming of a new buggy (one that I actually want this time rather than the hasty purchase we had to make last time); dreaming of those moments of first meeting and of forming a bond; dreaming of those words "you've been matched"; dreaming of creating her bedroom; dreaming of her calling us Mummy and Daddy; dreaming of her saying "I love you" for the first time; dreaming of all the possibilities.  All the positives; all the wonderful stuff that being a parent is all about.

Katie and I have started preparing for the day that three become four.  We had a big clear out of her wardrobe and chest of drawers and have identified lots of clothes for her sister.  We have started sorting out books, although Katie has since decided that her sister will  be too young for these baby books!!  I am hoping that this will start to prepare Katie for being a sister.  Katie and I have been wondering what she will be called.  A name is so powerful, so important.  What is her name?  What does she look like?  She has probably already been born.  As I write this, she could be out there, somewhere.  Is she already in foster care?  Is she with her birth family?  I try not to think too much about what circumstances will lead her to us.  I want to protect her already and can't bare to think of why she needs a new Mummy and Daddy.  It's amazing.  I know I am already her Mummy but in the words of our family song....."I just haven't met you yet".........


  1. Me and my husband our half way through our homestudy at the minute and like you I over analyse everything, but every now and then I allow myself a sneaky little day dream! I have really enjoyed reading your blog and it is so refreshing to hear such a positive account. Good luck with your continued journey x

  2. Hi there!! Lovely to hear from you. I think those day dreams are so important to help keep your mind positive. I was beyond stressed with our first adoption. So much was riding for me on panel saying that I could be a mum. I was convinced that the panel and our SW would see into my soul and see that I was fundementally flawed and wasn't able to be a mum. I'm determined to enjoy it all more this time and not get bogged down with all the negative stuff and just take each day as it comes. I wish you lots of luck as you go through your journey and hope you will keep me updated on how you are getting on. Best wishes Gem x