Yesterday Katie and I visited Grandma for the afternoon. It was a beautiful October day, unexpectedly very warm. I picked Katie up from pre-school and we drove the 50 minutes it takes to get to Grandma's house. When we arrived Grandma suggested we all went to the beach for a few hours. It was simply glorious down there, the sun was shining and there was a warm, gentle breeze. Grandma had three other foster children with her so they all played on the sand and running in and out of the quite cold water. They screamed and giggled with pure and utter delight. it was so lovely to watch and play with them. Everyone was wet and sandy, and we made a bit of a bloop in not taking a towel with us so washed our feet as best we could and we piled everyone back into Grandma's van. Everyone had ice-creams from the shop and we drove back to Grandma's house for some tea and some of my homemade banana bread, which I made specially for Grandma because we are both gluten-free folk. The children tore around the garden playing on scooters and bikes and collecting eggs from the chickens. It's quite a lovely place to be really. After playtime we put all the children in the bath and everyone had some dinner. I put Katie in her PJ's after her bath in the hope that she would fall asleep in the car on the drive home but she was full of questions and wanted to chat rather than sleep.
Our conversation was interesting and difficult at the same time. We are preparing Katie that the children that are currently living with Grandma will be placed for adoption soon. I find this quite emotional, because we've grown to love the children very much. Imagine how a nearly 4 year old feels about this? Grandma would love for us to adopt the two brothers but I've explained that a) we think a sister would be better for Katie and b) they would have to wait so long for us to go through the process that it is unfair on them to have to wait for a mummy and daddy that long. Katie asked if they could come and live with us on the drive home. I tried my best to explain this to her but it's so hard for her to understand. She then said "I think I would like a new mummy and daddy and live in a new house too, but you and daddy and Leo can come too". I replied by saying that if she had a new mummy and daddy then Leo and myself and daddy wouldn't be able to come with her. She thought about this and very quickly said "Oh I don't want a new mummy and daddy then. I want to stay with you". Phew!! I was worried for a moment there! I think she was just trying to get her head around what is happening. I want to ask the adopters for the children, when they are matched, if we could still see the children but I'm not sure that this would be in their interests. It might be better to let them move on. I will say that I share Katie's option about the two brothers though. They are so wonderful and are so easy to love. Somewhere out there is a very lucky mummy and daddy waiting to take them home and I'm so excited for them, and a little sad that we won't see them anymore. In the meantime we will enjoy spending time with them.