Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Busy Days!

I'm so hyperactive at the moment I rather suspect I could self combust, if I had the time of course.  My mind is racing and I'm having to write lists just to keep me doing one job at a time. I've got so much that I want to achieve in a few short weeks.

It's fair to say that generally, normally, I like to rumble along.  I'm not one of life's thrill seekers. I'm the proverbial tortoise (who just happens to walk like a tall, fast, person - I'm the opposite of tall but that doesn't stop me trying to walk with the biggest strides my little legs will take).  You'll generally find me in the kitchen at parties and I'll take the children to Alton Towers and Thorpe Park with friends that they can take on the whizzy, whirly, rides with them.  I like to be able to breathe.  I prefer sedate, yogic, breathing (where possible) to hyperventilation.  At the moment I have a slightly manic look in my eyes and the tension in my shoulders tells me that a) I've been doing a lot of painting and b) I need to do some deep breathing.

As you can imagine, there isn't much yogic breathing going on here at the moment.  If I did I would deep breathe the paint fumes too far down into my lungs.  My hips are creaking ever so slightly more than usual and my back is screaming out for my, currently non-existent, daily yoga.  I can hear my yoga mat screaming out to me but I'm like a woman possessed.  I'm pushing on til dawn! I just want to get everything ready in plenty of time so that I can sit back and enjoy the introductions with Pip when they start.  I know, I know, it's not going to be anything like that if I can no longer actually move my arms in order to hold the little laddy so I need to slow down.  I will, honest....once I sorted the nursery out.  It's the scary place to visit at the moment as there is so much that needs to be sorted out in there.  I've been turning my focus first to all the jobs that I claimed I was going to do when Katie started school back in September.  Jobs like painting the hall, downstairs bathroom and lobby (a sort of walkway into the bathroom that also acts as a large cupboard and coat hanging place).  My achy back and shoulders are testament to the fact that the first two have now been accomplished!  If anyone dares to comment that I've had since September to do these jobs I will give them a steely stare (I'm not up to hitting them anymore as that requires far too much effort!).  Tomorrow I'm painting the lobby and then I can turn my attention to the nursery.

I've definitely not been resting on my laurels over the past few weeks. I do have most of what I need now purchased and sitting in boxes, somewhere in the dumping ground that the nursery has become.  I have bottles and teats and milk and lots and lots of freshly washed baby grows and clothes folded neatly (that won't last) away in the chest of drawers.  That reminds me......I need to go and buy nappies and wipes in the near future.  I've started clearing out my wardrobe that currently lives in that room and is soon to meet the fate of the local tip. I'm threatening Daddy with divorce if we don't sort out the under-eaves cupboard in Pip's room so I've got somewhere to store all the clothes for him to grow in to.  I need to transform the cot bed back into a cot (I hope I can remember how to do it as it didn't come with instructions).  I want to stick a fresh coat of paint on the walls next week and I'm still trying to source curtains that are a) blackout and b) long enough to fit the balcony door in Pip's room and c) that actually look like the belong in a nursery. I'm not having much luck with that latter bit so they might end up being plain navy.  I do have a very cute blind ordered with stars on for the Velux window though. 

As you can see I'm on a slightly manic mission!

I can't actually wait to have it all finished.  To sit and do that breathing thing in Pip's room and see where he will soon be sleeping (all through the night of course!).  I cannot wait to give my son his last bottle in the rocking chair (provided there is room to keep it as we also need to keep the spare futon in the room and the room isn't palatial by any stretch of the imagination).  I might need to revise that vision to giving him is bottle on the probably more comfy, but less rocky, futon.  Life will soon take on a very different pace in our house. I just want to be ready so that I can enjoy it all when it comes and not be thinking of what needs to be done.

We have Matching Panel next week.  I have bought this very cute, butterfly, recordable book by Tomy to do a family picture and sounds book for Pip.  My whirly mind is currently thinking of themed pictures and sounds to introduce us all in the way a 6 month old baby will find amusing. I'm thinking we'll try and do some "boo" things in it.  We've been given permission by our Social Workers to tell Katie about her brother.  She knows he's her biological brother because he grew in the same tummy as her and she's seen a picture of him.  Seeing the picture was really helpful for her.  It's hard with any panel though because words like "if" get used a lot. I pointed out to our Social Workers that if there was a good reason for our match not to be approved I would have thought that they would have thought of it already. They did agree with this but it wouldn't do to use any positive words in the world of Social Work. I'll be glad for approval next week, although you can't fully celebate until the Decision Maker has ratified the decision!!! Welcome to the world of adoption.

As well as being manic (which I'm trying to limit to school-time) Katie is showing signs of regression, which we expected.  Expecting it doesn't make it any easier to manage I will admit.  It's OK in theory but when you are presented with a constantly tantruming and moaning 5 year old, with all the strength that they have, it's quite an emotional challenge.  She is also doing a lot of baby talking.  We are going with it but our boundaries are very tight. Whilst I understand and empathise with why Katie is behaving in this manner, I'm afraid I won't accept it.  We are managing with lots of love and cuddles but clear consequences for the less desirable behaviour.  I think it's so hard for her to visualise how life is going to be soon. Heaven knows I'm finding it hard so how must it be for her?  She is good at articulating how she is feeling and she has said she is worried about how much time we'll have together when Pip comes home.  We've started building "girl time" into our daily week already and plan that Saturday mornings will be our special time when Daddy will look after Pip and I'll take Katie to her dance class and then out for a treat afterwards.  I said to her that I rather suspect she'll be so busy with her brother that I'll feel left out! 

Well back to it and all that.  It was nice to sit for a while and write.  Gets some of that breathing done!

Couldn't resist this.............




7 comments:

  1. Just fabulous!! I can empapthise from the oposite perspective as my fostered little one is soon to move on, and today we met her adopters - who are probably in the same mindset as you. Remember; you have far less than the 9 months most biological parents have to do your 'nesting' so no wonder it is manic. Im sure you also need to keep busy to keep the longing at bay, and the minute you hold Pip in your arms all the unfinished jobs will be forgotten in the moment of wonder. So glad you found the Tomy book, I'm sure Pip will love to hear your voices during the days of waiting whilst the decision is ratified!! Wishing you all lots of luck at Panel. Tracey

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    1. You are right on so many points there Tracy! It's good to hear things from the Foster Carers perspective as it must be tough for you too. The waiting at this stage is horrible. I just want to get him home with us and start our life as a family of four. Mind you, I'm not sure where I'd put him today lol x

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  2. Blimey, you do put it into perspective... slightly daunted now.. lol only joking I'm still looking forward to actually getting to panel (whenever that'll be *rolls eyes*)

    The cartoon is very funny =)

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    1. Ahhhhh I know that eye rolling. You've read about my masive amounts of that this time around. You'll get there and I can read all about your manic nesting! It does feel daunting. Our SWs have been great but they have to make sure you understand that element of doubt. I hate that element of doubt. It was hard enough the first time. This time with Katie involved iit's horrible. We have to prepare her but have to tell her about the panel. She can't grasp all that. Have told her the name of tthe Chair and explained he makes the decision. She doesn't hear anything passed the word "baby brother" though xx

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  3. And breathe....
    Whilst I'm sure the regression is difficult at times, it does sound like Katie has a really good understanding of what's going on, and has been great at articulating how she feels.
    You will be fine. It'll all be fine. And I can't wait to hear more about Pip :-)

    Thanks for linking up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

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  4. I just want to remind you to breath and take a little time for you. Don't want you exhausted for Pip. You are a power house getting things done and you are doing so much, but you will have forever together, breath. Your post, as always takes us right into your life and the excitement and love that you feel. I look forward to the next installments...but breath.

    Thank you for sharing on The Weekly Adoption Shout Out. xx

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  5. Just catching up though heard on Twitter obviously. I heard an (overseas) adoptive mum say "oh, I outsourced labour to the Far East darling" which I thought was great!

    Enjoy!

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