Well it's been a busy Saturday and Sunday filled with painting; sorting out; washing and shopping for pretty dresses! Our house is filled with the mixed aromas of paint and the beautiful smell of the fabric conditioner we have switched to to mirror the one used by Katie's foster family to help support her move to us. Of course the shopping for pretty dresses part was wonderful. I bought 6 dresses! I also found a cute little t-shirt that says "My Daddy Loves Me More Than Football" written on it! Perfect! Daddy is a huge football supporter (lifelong Man U fan) so she has real competition for his affections! Actually I rather suspect that Man U have already moved to second place as he is totally smitten with his daughter. I said to him on the way to our friends for a lovely dinner last night, and our last night out for a while, that I had realised that I could now shop to my hearts content and because it was for Katie he would just go all misty eyed and be ok with it!! All I have to do now is find a way of getting him to do that when I shop for myself!! All he will say is that she is perfect! Life just suddenly makes sense and we both know without a moment's doubt that she is meant to be with us!
Before moving on I will just take a moment to reflect on the other people effected by Katie joining us. I haven't mentioned her birth parents and they won't be a focus in this blog but I am very aware that our joy comes at the expense someone else's sadness and difficulty. Very few children are relinquished voluntarily for adoption these days. There are always reasons why a child is placed for adoption. It is our intention to ensure that Katie grows up knowing her birth background and what those reasons are and to support her with her thoughts and feelings regarding this. We are looking forward to meeting her birth parents and reassuring them that we will take good care of her and that we won't turn her against them and that, should the time come, that she wants to meet them, we will support her to do with with our love and understanding. I think we all know that the circumstances that we are born into or the choices we find ourselves making effect us all throughout our lives. Overcoming difficulties take enormous personal awareness and lots of support and we don't always get there on our first attempt to change. In the case of children it isn't possible to take the risk that something will change when they are unable to facilitate that change themselves. This is where adoption comes in. For us, adoption is something that has made us a family but for someone else it is the loss of their family even if that family functions ineffectually. Lack of love isn't necessarily why a child may be placed for adoption. It may be the lack of the ability to use that love appropriately and with awareness to parent that child satisfactorily that leads to a child being adopted. As adoptive parents we won't be sharing Katie's story with anyone but herself but when she is ready she will be able to share her story herself if she chooses.
Katie's Foster Carer (Grandma) is another person effected by her adoption. She has loved and brought Katie up from the day she was born. The fact that this little girl is so wonderful is a testament to her and her husband and their family. We knew immediately that we would not take this little girl away from them and that we would invite them to be one set of her official Grandparents so that they can both continue to benefit from their relationship. Grandma will also be a source of information about Katie's past which I suspect will be invaluable to us all.
So having acknowledged that our road to becoming a family is somewhat different than that of many people we move forward with enormous excitement to spending time getting to know our daughter without any hindrance of difficult emotions or the past and embrace our future as a family.
Hopefully it will not be long before Katie comes home.....