Sunday, 7 March 2010

Busy getting ready....and shopping!!

Well it's been a busy Saturday and Sunday filled with painting; sorting out; washing and shopping for pretty dresses!  Our house is filled with the mixed aromas of paint and the beautiful smell of the fabric conditioner we have switched to to mirror the one used by Katie's foster family to help support her move to us.  Of course the shopping for pretty dresses part was wonderful.  I bought 6 dresses!  I also found a cute little t-shirt that says "My Daddy Loves Me More Than Football" written on it! Perfect!  Daddy is a huge football supporter (lifelong Man U fan) so she has real competition for his affections!  Actually I rather suspect that Man U have already moved to second place as he is totally smitten with his daughter.  I said to him on the way to our friends for a lovely dinner last night, and our last night out for a while, that I had realised that I could now shop to my hearts content and because it was for Katie he would just go all misty eyed and be ok with it!!  All I have to do now is find a way of getting him to do that when I shop for myself!!  All he will say is that she is perfect!  Life just suddenly makes sense and we both know without a moment's doubt that she is meant to be with us!

Before moving on I will just take a moment to reflect on the other people effected by Katie joining us.  I haven't mentioned her birth parents and they won't be a focus in this blog but I am very aware that our joy comes at the expense someone else's sadness and difficulty.  Very few children are relinquished voluntarily for adoption these days.  There are always reasons why a child is placed for adoption.  It is our intention to ensure that Katie grows up knowing her birth background and what those reasons are and to support her with her thoughts and feelings regarding this.  We are looking forward to meeting her birth parents and reassuring them that we will take good care of her and that we won't turn her against them and that, should the time come, that she wants to meet them, we will support her to do with with our love and understanding.  I think we all know that the circumstances that we are born into or the choices we find ourselves making effect us all throughout our lives.  Overcoming difficulties take enormous personal awareness and lots of support and we don't always get there on our first attempt to change.  In the case of children it isn't possible to take the risk that something will change when they are unable to facilitate that change themselves.  This is where adoption comes in.  For us, adoption is something that has made us a family but for someone else it is the loss of their family even if that family functions ineffectually.  Lack of love isn't necessarily why a child may be placed for adoption.  It may be the  lack of the ability to use that love appropriately and with awareness to parent that child satisfactorily that leads to a child being adopted.  As adoptive parents we won't be sharing Katie's story with anyone but herself but when she is ready she will be able to share her story herself if she chooses. 

Katie's Foster Carer (Grandma) is another person effected by her adoption.  She has loved and brought Katie up from the day she was born.  The fact that this little girl is so wonderful is a testament to her and her husband and their family.  We knew immediately that we would not take this little girl away from them and that we would invite them to be one set of her official Grandparents so that they can both continue to benefit from their relationship.  Grandma will also be a source of information about Katie's past which I suspect will be invaluable to us all.

So having acknowledged that our road to becoming a family is somewhat different than that of many people we move forward with enormous excitement to spending time getting to know our daughter without any hindrance of difficult emotions or the past and embrace our future as a family.

Hopefully it will not be long before Katie comes home.....


  1. You are just an amazing woman, you really are. The tears just flowed as I read what you wrote (so articulately too) and I had to call J and read it all aloud to him too.

    I wish you weren't 'exceptional' - I wish your attitudes and beliefs were 'the norm' and I know the work you have done with young people has shaped and moulded you into the compassionate understanding woman you are.

    Katie will benefit immeasurably to have YOU as her mummy and it sounds like you and Mike are gonna have a whale of a time all at the same time!!! I can't wait to meet her!!! xXx

  2. Gem, I am so happy for you. I agree with Berni. You are a truly amazing woman. It sounds like you, Mike and Katie are a perfect fit.

  3. smilingpj@yahoo.com8 March 2010 at 22:08

    Yes, the tears are rolling. You said everything so perfectly. Katie is so very blessed to have you and Mike in her life. And her little brother too. I certainly hope he comes into your arms quickly, so you all can grow up together.
    The fact that her carers are going to stay in her life and be additional grandparents means one thing: she will have that much more love. That is perfect.
    No one could have planned your life, or predicted it for that matter, you are the exception to the rule in so many ways...this is proving to be a very good thing for many, many people. The parents sadness and difficult situations you mentioned, may be eased by the knowledge that you will be Katie's parents. And the pain the grandparents may feel, is significantly dimmed by the fact that you are keeping them in her life.
    I am so proud of you. For moving to this step, for knowing it feels right, for having the heart that you do. I am so happy for you, for following the path that led you to your hearts desire. I love that you are here, Gem, mummy and daddy to a beautiful little girl.

    Oh, and just so you remember, 2 year olds definately can 'have their moments' so be forewarned!! LOL!! If she has you both too wrapped up, she will have her way with you!!! ((giggle)) Remember one word to help you through this....distraction. It works until they are...well, it still works on dh!! ;o)
    love you Gem!

  4. You had to actually face to face meet the birth parents?

  5. We had hopes to meet her Birth Parents. Sadly for one reason or another it has yet to happen. I'm still hopeful as I think it would be a positive thing to do for everyone involved. It will certainly hopefully help things in the future and would mean I can give Katie more information about them. Fingers crossed.