Saturday, 27 March 2010

An emotional day.....

Yesterday was a difficult day.  Grandma and Grandad came to deliver all Katie's clothes and toys - wow what a lot of toys we now have!!!  I am just sorting out all her clothes.  I'm delighted we now have more trousers and tops in her current size because we have been spending a lot of money building up her wardrobe in the meantime.  Katie was delighted to know that they were going to be visiting and was quite excited.  She was mostly excited about Grandma.  She was also delighted to see the baby that they are also fostering.  He is a real sweetie.  Katie was excited to see all her toys and the presents that Grandma and Grandad had brought with them.

We planned to go for a meal at a local pub to ensure that Grandma and Grandad weren't leaving from our house to hopefully help cushion the blow a bit.  I said to Grandma that I would take Katie to the pub in my car a) to ensure she is clear that she is living with us and b) so we could leave the pub on our own.  Katie sobbed when she knew she wasn't going in Grandma's car.  She tried to get in her usual place.  She calmed down as we were driving to the pub but wanted to know where they were all the way.  We had a lovely lunch which Grandma and Grandad paid for.

When it was time to leave Katie was very upset to know that Grandma and Grandad weren't coming with us.  I asked Grandma to put Katie in my car seat to ensure Katie could see that Grandma was happy and supportive of her being with us.  She sobbed her heart out for about 5 minutes in the car.  I drove off having said we would go to the park. I thought going to a place that it ours would help bond us.  She did calm down and we had a good time at the park.  She had missed her nap so it was a lot of emotion for her on less sleep than usual so I really felt for her.  We talked about seeing Grandma and she said to me "I cried".  We had a chat about how sad it was for her to see Grandma and that she was missing her.  I said to her that we would always be there for her and she could always say anything she wanted to us.  I'm not sure how much she would have taken on board but I really think she understands the general idea.

Grandma sent some pictures through via email this morning.  I let her see them and she wanted to see them over and over again.  We've put on of them on our digital frame so she can see it.  We've decided that we won't visit Grandma's house next week as we originally planned because we feel it's too soon for her.  I have said to Grandma that we will meet regularly at a neutral place though until Katie settles.

I found it very difficult yesterday.  Watching my daughter be that upset and knowing that she will have to feel that pain and grief is horrible.  Yesterday really brought home to me that even some of the great things about adoption i.e. having wonderful foster parents can bring lots of sadness to a little girl.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Gem!
    I haven't had much time at all on the computer lately, so I'm glad I got a chance to read this. Please know, at the age of your little one right now, they cry very hard everytime they are separated. I remember when I first started dropping my little ones off...both of them, at that age, had me a total mess before I could get away. They are very attached and don't like change. I'm sure your little girl is extremely attached to you and Gramma (and dh and Poppop too), so it wouldn't matter WHO was leaving, but the fact that they ARE leaving is cause for tears. She will get stronger...when she's 3 or 4...or maybe 7! LOL!!

    You get major (((((hugs))))) for this. You are gonna have some major tears in your future. Wait until the first time you bring her to a children's show, or give her her first pressie from Father Christmas. (((sigh))) I can't wait for that...hope you will still update your blog!!!
    (((hug)))
    Judi

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  2. Ijust found your blog and came back to see a bit of the beginning. I cried my eyes out at this post. We know that time is a great healer but a 2yo doesn't. So sad even if it's for the best of reasons like getting her own family.

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  3. Midlife - it's been a while since I read this post and it felt like yesterday re-reading it. It was such an emotionally charged day indeed. It's funny, time has been a great healer. Katie no longer sobs inconsolably when we leave Grandma's (and we do visit her house regularly now). Katie still likes to go in Grandma's huge car and I think she finds comfort in that. She seems to have more perspective on it all now and only wants to stay there if I can stay too. It's amazing what 2 years on life can be like. Thanks for reading. Gem x

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