Monday, 15 March 2010

Mothers Day.....

Mothers Day.  It's an emotive phrase.  For those of us who have experienced infertility and loss, Mothers Day becomes a day of sadness and sorrow.  Yesterday was my first Mothers Day as a mother to a living child.  I thought the day would be incredibly emotional yet oddly it wasn't.  I rather suspect that is because I am so tired that I can barely think straight and also because we are still in the introduction phase with Katie and she isn't living with us full time yet.  We did have a lovely day though.  Daddy and Katie gave me some flowers and a card.  Katie opened the card for me which was really sweet.  In many ways, it was a perfectly ordinary family day.  That is the key word for me: family.  That is what I have been striving for for so many years.  My little family.

When we picked Katie up from Grandma's yesterday it was a bit awkward.  Grandma's family were arriving to celebrate Mothers Day and Katie really wasn't so keen on leaving.  I can't say I blame her really.  We had to get creative and made a game of going to the car.  She happily waved Grandma goodbye at that point.  We left quite late and Katie was tired so we worked hard to keep her awake in the car because it was important that we managed another nap at our house in preparation for our first overnight tonight.  Poor little mite could barely walk straight after her lunch.  She was rather overtired and didn't want her nap.  "No, mummy, no" she tearfully cried to me.  I have watched Grandma manage Katie when she is tearful so was grateful that I knew how to manage her.  I told her that she was very tired and needed her nite nites so we could go and play at the park.  We said nite nite to the garden and the sky (through the skylight) and I reassured her that I would be here when she woke up and that she would have lovely dreams and a wonderful sleep.  I snuggled her down, played her teddy, and she was asleep before I got down the stairs.  Phew!!  We had decided that I would do sleep time for the moment because this is what Grandma usually does and we have noticed that when at home Katie is coming to me more.  When we are out and about she shares us very fairly.

We left her to sleep for about an hour and a half before seeing how she was doing.  She was laying quietly amusing herself in her bed.  She beamed at me when we went in to say hello.  We had a little cuddle and chat about her sleep and changed her nappy.  Then we went to the park.  Boy that girl loves her swing. She must have swung for over 30 minutes before eventually getting off.  We made friends with a 7 year old boy at the park who had a little toy puppy. Katie loved the puppy so the boy very kindly let her play with him.  He was so lovely.

We had an interesting circular conversation with Katie whilst on the swing.  She had heard a baby crying and then she noticed that the baby's parents took him away somewhere.  She said "baby crying" and we acknowledged that he was.  She noticed he had gone and said "baby gone".  So we agreed that yet he had gone and asked her where she thought he had gone.  She decided he had gone home with his mummy and daddy so we asked her what the baby's mummy and daddy would do when they got home.  We decided that baby was having a bottle and his pooey nappy changed and then going to bed.  We made a game of the pooey nappy bit and she was giggling.  She then said again about the baby crying and we repeated the conversation.  She then asked again, and again, and again.  I think we had the same conversation about 25 times.  I think she was trying to understand the relationship between the baby and the baby's mummy and daddy and trying to understand her own situation.  It was fascinating and emotional.  What is she thinking?  What sense is she making of what is happening to her at the moment?

When we said it was time to leave the park and go back to Grandma's house Katie didn't want to go.  She wanted to stay with us at our house and she delayed our departure by wanting to go around the house to look everywhere and play with her toys.  We felt that we could have probably managed an overnight last night because she seemed happy to stay.  Once we were in the car and part of the way home she focused on the fact that we were seeing Grandma and was keen to return there.  All Grandma's grandchildren were at the house when we arrived so our little girl bombed off to play.  She gave us a kiss goodbye when we left but her mind was elsewhere.  We have realised how careful we need to be at the times we leave there and arrive there to make it easier for her to recognise what is happening.

So we are picking Katie up after lunch today and bringing her back home for the night.  We have agreed that if the next few days go ok we won't be taking her back to Grandma's house for a little while but will meet Grandma somewhere neutral each day to break the connection with Grandma's house being Katie's home.  We have a review meeting on Wednesday to assess how things are going.

My sister and 5 year old nephew are coming over for tea tonight.  We have agreed with Grandma that it is ok to introduce Katie to her cousin.  I have added some pictures onto our digital picture frame for her to see them and have also now added some of the other children and their parents she will be meeting soon so I can start introducing her to them.  I think she will love them all to be honest.

Fingers crossed we all sleep tonight!!  I have just put some mirrors on the wall near her bed so she can see herself because she has a huge mirrored wardrobe near her bed at Grandma's house and she chats to herself so we felt we should recreate this as much as possible.  I hope it works.  I've also put together a unit for the bathroom to keep all the bottles etc on because Grandma has warned us that someone likes to open all the bottles and pour things away.  Mummy is prepared!!

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